January 4, 2010

In preparation for my trip to India I tried on a sari this morning. Six yards of slippery, satin fabric to be wrapped, tucked and draped around my body. I used the elastic waist of my yoga pants as a foundation and a simple fitted cotton t-shirt as a substitute for the blouse that Indian women wear. When I was finished I surveyed myself in the full length mirror. I looked OK, I had achieved the proper drape and proportions but I felt all wrong.
Last night I tried out the 3 different Salwar Kameez that I own in preparation for my trip to India. None of them feel right. It is as if I am stripping off my own skin and zipping on someone elses. I briefly considered going to our local India store to try on different salwar kameez in search of the perfect fit but realized what I am looking for doesn't exist. It is not just a matter of fit or fabric it is a question of identity.
I married outside of my culture and race. I was born and raised in England, my husband was born and grew up in India, we met, married and had children in America. As long as we stay in America we are a couple. When we go to our respective birthplaces we become strangers to each other. Try as I might to blend in, to be Indian, for the duration of our visit I am not. I feel like an actor and a very bad one at that. This disconnect, this feeling of always being out of place, out of time is I suspect what all immigrants feel when they first arrive in their new country. It is why some hold on to their language, dress code, eating habits far longer than helpful.

December 11, 2009

Why do we wear clothes that are unsuitable for the weather?
My daughter left the house yesterday wearing a warm, wool coat suitable for the 32º temperature but on her feet she had the equivalent of ballet slippers. As diplomatically as I could I suggested she wear boots ( of which she has at least 4 pair; high heeled dress boots, fur-lined- Uggs, low heeled suede boots etc) and stash the light weight flats in her purse. "Oh, she said I'm carrying my heels" and waved a pair of high heeled pumps in my face as if this made perfect sense. Her day involved walking from metro stop to place of work, back to the metro, then catching a shuttle bus and walking some more. The temperatures were dropping and the wind chill factor increasing. I thought she was in serious danger of frostbitten toes. She's past the age where I can insist on anything I can only suggest. I'd done my job. I let her go without further comment.
She re-appeared at breakfast this morning with all ten toes intact.

September 18, 2009

Once again fashion magazines are entering my mail box. We now subscribe to three, Harper's Bazaar, Elle, Marie Claire and soon Cosmopolitan will join the list. New college graduates (like my daughter) attract all kinds of cheap subscription rates. We even get the Economist. Her Dad and I like that.

Remembering when I was in my 20's and addicted to magazines I thought it would be a nice gesture to sign up. After all the offer was $12 for 2 years. Be nice to look at the latest clothes and makeup styles again , I thought. Wrong! Boring, boring, boring. In three different magazines there wasn't one item of clothing, one gorgeous outfit that I could lust after. Am I jaded, have I just seen it all? Worse yet are the shoes. They seem to be designed as instruments of repression. Not only are the heels getting higher, they are getting thinner or disappearing altogether. So the model is balanced on a 4 inch platform sole with no heel to balance on. OK, so the latter is in a Tim Burton spread and you could argue its art and not everyday wear. I would counter with Japanese foot binding . Equally artful, but imposed on many women and hideously painful and debilitating. It just seems to me that designers are deliberately crippling women. I've watched the career women crossing the street in downtown DC in there career suits and high heels and I can tell you their feet hurt and their lower back will punish them at the end of the day.