"I'm a very likable person."

" I'm a very likeable person." My daughter replied when I passed on a compliment from one of our neighbors. 22 years old, she is lovely to look at, generous to her friends, with a smile that can rock your world. She is capable of being delightful and charming. She is also moody, emotional, extremely self conscious and quick to take offense. Likeable? As in easy to get along with?

At her age, I too believed that I was likable and easy to get along with. Why wouldn't anyone like me? I believed that I was innocuous because I was non-confrontational, quiet and withdrawn. It took me decades to understand that quiet does not mean benign; that non-confrontational did not mean easy-going. That even though I was neither quick-witted or good with repartee, I was sharp and sarcastic and to some people frighteningly smart. Although inside I felt fearful, anxious and insecure outside I appeared arrogant, superior, and unapproachable. Ouch!

Self knowledge is good but doesn't automatically lead to change. What has changed is that I am now sensitive to the poor impression I might create. I have learned that I do get angry and that it is often evident to those around me before I recognize it in myself. I am also not unique. So when another person is scaring me, or turning me off, or rejecting me I consider the possibility that they too might be hiding fear, anxiety and insecurity.

So is my daughter correct when she calls herself likable? Definitely yes.

Does she have some things to learn about herself. Yes, again.

Doesn't everyone?

That is what living is about. Learning who we are meant to be.